Birthday snow again

I stayed up to see my birthday in and then went to sleep. I woke up and looked out of the window and it is white again. Not quite like last year. I remember my birthday last year quite clearly and it is hard to believe that another year has passed so quickly. It also feels like groundhog day in some small respect.

However, the lead up to this day has been a bit different! I managed to go to a Christmas market in Hamburg a few days ago and my graduation was on Friday just gone! My masters is over with! :-)

I'm left wondering now what will be the best way to spend the rest of my birthday.....

Bruises, bumps and lumps

I have another bruise on my leg from my insulin injections. It's all yellow and ugly. It's on the same leg as what I deem to be my worst leg that has a horrible lump under the skin. I hate it. The left hand side of my stomach has a permanent lump. I hate it. It's times like these when I feel fed up of being diabetic. I get drained with it sometimes, day in, day out and trying to find somewhere I can inject that won't bruise, won't hurt, won't mean getting a new lumpy bit. What on earth am I going to look like in 20 years? Three times as bruised and lumpy. In May next year it will be 10 years and I already have lumps patterned with red marks. Another 20 years and...., well I don't want to think about it.

Money is tight as well. It says alot when you have to sell CDs to be able to afford to post a book you've sold to earn some money.

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. ~David Russell

Conflict. That's what I seem to have inside at the moment. I've been left wondering about a few different things in my life. I'm left wondering this: How much is going to have to be left behind to be me? and how much of me do I need to keep hold of to still be me? Maybe this decision would be easier if it were just about one aspect of my life but it is everything. Jobs, location, people, principles, attitudes, ideas.

Or do I need to think about any of this at all? Maybe, I don't need to do anything or change anything. Maybe, there's nothing wrong.

Decisions, decisions......

Feels Like Today

The title refers to a song by Rascal Flatts. I was recently reminded of the song again when I watched the episode 'run' from season 4 of Smallville. I first heard it on that episode and it went with the scene so well (Clark and Bart superspeeding at the end), it kind of makes me feel empowered and positive (as well as making me wish I could superspeed). It makes me feel like I can do anything.

Speaking of doing anything, I have also been doing a few things which I previously didn't have chance to do like scanning old photos, sorting out stuff and making various appointments for this, that and the other. I have also started compiling a playlist in my itunes of all the songs from Smallville which I like. It is taking some time. I should have made a list as I watched them but nevermind. I'm enjoying finding new songs and new artists. A few I knew already. I spent round about £10 on itunes getting songs from the show and even though I'm not flush with money at all, I thought I deserved to do/ buy something that makes me happy. Instead of thinking 'someday', and wondering when that day will be, I thought, 'it feels like today'.

My secret

I don't think my secret is hidden in my eyes anymore. If you look closely enough, you'll see it.

No puede cambiar de pasión

I watched 'El secreto de sus ojos' last night. It really was a powerful thing that got me thinking about a lot of things. I was enthralled with it and I felt rather emotional at the end. The title of this blog refers to something from the film which is that you can't change your passion. It kind of resonates throughout the film, you have to stick to what you believe and motivated by a passion for something or a belief that something is right, you'll do it until you can't any longer.

I think this possibly may be in my list of favourite films now.

Restless Mind

It's nearly 3am and I am still awake, contemplating all the things I could be doing. I was up until 2am finishing off a James Patterson book I started on Sunday. I just couldn't put it down. Anyway, that's finished and I now have another 2 of his calling to me, but they'll have to wait. The reason I'm not asleep is because I'm having an intense thought moment - wondering why I can't switch off.
I told myself I'd allow myself to relax, read and catch up with people. Now as it turns out, I am still incredibly broke so I can afford to do very little. The reading part is going well - but perhaps a little too well as it's possibly the reason I am still awake and panicking how I am ever going to have the time or money to do everything I want to do. It's crazy isn't it? I have the same argument with myself way too often.

Tonight, and over the past few days I have been reminded of some things I always wanted to learn more about. Things I used to daydream about every so often in between my daydreams of being a teacher. I have applied for jobs which will get me off these shifts at work and would give me more money. I need both of these things. So while my mind was still fresh, I started looking at courses online, psychology to be precise. It was another thing I loved doing, understanding the way people think (maybe one day I can.understand why I can't sit still when it comes to learning). I also want to learn shorthand, always have and I think it would make writing all this alot quicker instead of typing away on the chacha. I also still have the languages I want to learn, at least sufficient for a comfortable conversational level holiday-wise.

And now I've finally managed to make myself sleepy...... I hope.

Freedom

It has been a strange time. For the past few days I have woken up and I haven't had any Masters work to do. Last Thursday, I handed in my dissertation. It's over and done with.

Now, I have time to do what I want. For the first time in around 10 years, I have nothing but a job to go to. Since 16, I have been either at college or uni and working. Then when I finally got a job, I had a job that meant taking work home. Then I left that job to work part time and do a masters. So I am now at an odd place, unchartered territory. All I have is the part time job. It is strange.

The Masters really did take over everything. It was all I thought about and it filled my spare thoughts. So now, I feel a bit lost but also relieved as I finally can relax a bit.

I've got loads of things I want to do now. I want to read some of the mant books I still have to read and I want a full time job that doesn't take over my life as I want to do some evening courses. Unfortunately, I can't do that while working the hours I am doing at work. This has left me feeling restless. There's so much I could be doing and I can't.

On a positive note, I have managed to get to the gym for a couple of days running and I intend on going tomorrow.

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. ~Lin Yutang

I'm not sure what I think about that statement. I always love travelling and I loved the pillow I rested my head on in Munich (perhaps even a little more than my own pillow). I loved Munich and now it seems like a dream even though I only got back two days ago.

I'm already thinking, I've got to get to a christmas market somehow.......

Out of the quarrel with others we make rhetoric; out of the quarrel with ourselves we make poetry. ~W.B. Yeats

This seemed very fitting for today. Not only is my dissertation on translating rhetorical devices used in the poetry of Erich Fried but also in a debate today, I wondered whether my use of rhetoric had much changed. I'd like to think I made a case for what I thought, both in my writing and in my debate but I don't know.

It has been a long day of being at the computer and I don't feel like I've made too much progress. I have about 1,700 words of a dissertation but considering only 500 words were a product of today's endeavour, it's not brillant. However, I know I need to work in short bursts though.

Tomorrow will be the same. My aim: to write another 700 at least.

Maybe I could make it to the gym tomorrow too.

It is not down in any map; true places never are. ~Herman Melville

Now, I hope that isn't true. I have just bought my guide book (with maps inside)for Munich and I'm excited. I can't wait to get it so I can starting looking at some of the places I want to see! :-)

Since Friday.....

On Friday I took the radio back. It was doing something strange on the display. I also dyed my hair and on Friday night I went to see a cricket match with Alex (and one of Alex's friends) It surprised me and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

I spent the weekend in Derby with Alex which I loved. I had some of the cosiest sleep ever. Yesterday, we also booked a holiday so August 12th we're off to Munich! :-) I'm excited and I've already been looking at guide books.

Speaking of Germany, I made the decision late last night that I'm not going to go to the interview in Lichfield for the job in Berlin. It doesn't feel right to do this right now and there are other things I want to do. I feel like I need to stay financially secure by keeping this job at the moment and I think I need to focus my energy on finding a job I really want to do. I emailed them today to say I wasn't going to the interview. I would have loved the idea of working in Berlin (if I'd been successful at interview) but oddly I don't feel sad about turning it down. It feels like the right move.

Yet again.

Yet again I am up late. I meant to be in bed early but it didn't happen. I got out of work on time, then got a few bits and headed home. The reason I'm still up is I was getting my hair cut (my sister did it)and then I was sorting washing out before at 11.30pm finally settling down to finish my dissertation plan to send to my supervisor.

Now, you may not think that it takes that much time to get hair cut and sort washing and you're right- it doesn't.

Here's why everything took longer: I bought an alarm clock. Not just any alarm clock but one that is a DAB digital radio. I wanted a retro style one with bells originally. However, I saw this and it seemed the logical choice. I actually like listening to the radio and in the past I haven't always done it because tuning the radio was an absolute pain. It kept going fuzzy. (This will be a problem no longer!) The other reason for the alarm clock is becuase my phone is still stuck on 9am. This is set for 7am tomorrow because there are quite a few things I want to get sorted.

So back to the question. Buying it wasn't what took so long, neither was tuning in some stations I wanted. It was the alarm -that was a pain. Nevermind though now. I need to get to bed so I can be woken up hopefully to the sound of the radio. Fingers crossed.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. ~Confucius

Now I don't believe there is a job that anyone can love through and through which they would rather go to than stay cosy in bed...but there has to be something close. That is what is keeping me up. I tols myself I'd have an early night and get an early start on my dissertation. However, I started thinking about jobs.

So now I'm restless.

I started thinking of all the things I want to learn. There are so many language courses I want to do and the truth is, if I'm still working where I am now doing the 3pm-8pm shift 4 nights a week, I'll never be able to do any.
Now I know what you're thinking. I haven't finished my MA yet. That's true but I after that, I won't be learning anything else and I don't have two lifetimes to afford to cram what I want in to. I have just one.

I need a job that gives me evenings free so I can take the courses I want to take. I don't expect to absolutely love a job but I want one I can at the very least like. I want a job where I'm valued; it doesn't rule my life (mainly so I can dedicate my free time to the courses I want to do) and maybe something that is just a bit creative - maybe.

I need to get doing work experience, internships or something. I need to keep looking. This is my 70th blog and I have less than 70 days before the start of September which is not only my dissertation is due but also when I'm aiming to be doing something else.

Just one more thing.......

In honour of the great TV detective Lt Columbo, I have used his famous catchphrase. I was sad to hear Peter Falk had died. I love Columbo. I've always wanted to own every Columbo episode but money doesn't permit this at the moment. I love watching it at the weekend if it's on. I am also definitely going to get a copy of his book.

My other favourite detective is Sherlock Holmes, but I prefer to read Conan Doyles' narrative than watch an actor try to portray him.

This title seems appropriate for this blog too because today I got rid of just one more thing as I have now finished marking exam papers and marks have been submitted.

I have just one more thing to focus my energy on. It's a biggie: My dissertation.

I do have a job hunt as well, but one thing at a time.

Getting there......

I managed to go to the gym yesterday (although it feels like today as I've not been to bed yet) and I managed to do an hour (600 calories burnt according to the machines) which is more than I've been able to do in the past. I've never managed to keep up a steady pace to burn that much. I feel like I've made a breakthrough now and I can keep going but I can't go until Friday.

I was going to a careers fair tomorrow (or later today) but I don't think I can handle it. I'm knackered. I'm not prepared the way I want to be and I've still got loads of exam papers to mark and they all have to be done by the 27th June. I need to submit some more marks tomorrow too. I still want to go to the graduate fair on Thursday though which is why I think I'll have to hold off on the gym until Friday.

I didn't manage to mark as many exam papers as I wanted so I've got a wake-up call arranged (mum is ringing me) as my constant 9am alarm is too late. My aim is to start marking at 9.30am and keep going until I've made a sizeable dent in the number left. I'm in work at 3pm so if I do three or four hours of marking before it should set me on track. Please let me be motivated to do this.

There are really only two requirements when it comes to exercise. One is that you do it. The other is that you continue to do it.

I got this quote from www.quotegarden.com which came from something with 'diabetes' in the title.

I did well last week and I know I need to keep it up. The only thing is now I feel like I should be doing other things - like marking exam papers and cracking on with my dissertation. But I also know I need to get into a good exercise routine. I feel so good after exercising and I'm trying to watch what I eat - easier said than done.

I also need to start getting up earlier so I can fit everything into the day. As when I come back from work (at 8pm) I don't always feel like doing anything important. For this, I need an alarm clock. I used to have one that broke some years ago and then I started using my phone and this is now broken - well it is stuck at 9am and I can't change it because the trackpad on my phone is stuck.

I definitely need to go to the gym tomorrow. I need to get up a bit earlier and my aim is to have marked 25 exam papers by the end of tomorrow.

I'll update my other blog tomorrow if I manage it.

Ich habe noch einen Koffer in Berlin

On 9th July I've got an interview for a job in Berlin. Just for 10 weeks but it's scary. I also need to decide if it's the best thing for me to do right now. I'm not sure sacrificing a secure job for a 10 week work placement is sensible if I have no job to come back to. I want to start having money again and I want to be able to do a few more things I've always wanted to. I'd love to go back to Berlin, I loved it there. I'd love to gain some work experience there. I'm just not sure that if I get the job that's it's going to be a good idea.

The quotation belongs to Marlene Dietrich

Money worries......

I've got less than £60 to last me until the end of the month....I'm worried, but more worried in case I don't get paid from work at the end of the month. I've got a couple of things planned before the end of the month so I hope the days pass quickly.

It's getting closer....

On Friday I will be handing in my last assignment from the modules on my masters course. My fees have been paid and the only thing left is the dissertation. These two years seem to have flown. If all goes well with the dissertation, I'll be attending the graduation ceremony in December I think.
I'm really keen now to find something I really want to do again. I want to be earning some proper money and have a job I enjoy. I want to be able to afford to do things again and not worry and begin treating myself again without feeling incredibly guilty about every penny.
I've been with Alex for the past few days and even though I've spent quite a bit, those pennies I don't feel guilty about.

I've got some time though to think about getting a job I really want. Right now I need to focus on finishing this last assignment.

A passport, .....

.........as I'm sure you know, is a document one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between countries, so the officials can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly - Lemony Snicket.


I have my new passport now! It makes me want to go somewhere...but I am incredibly broke after my fees go out. I also thought I'd have £100 in the bank but I forgot about the passport money going out so all I have is £20.....and I've got something to pay off before I get paid next....so, nope...definitely doesn't look like I'll be able to afford to cross the border of my garden, let alone anywhere else!


On a positive, the picture on my passport is not half bad.

It's not what you wear - it's how you take it off.

This quotation amused me. I think the quotation is all about confidence. No one is perfect but being confident in yourself makes everything seem better. So anyway, I did the posing in my underwear and I've seen one of the pictures after it was edited and I reckon I look good - more than good in fact. I also think being in black and white suits me. :-) Here's a link to the picture: http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=10150207411451438&set=t.513189485&theater

The finest clothing made is a person's skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this. ~Mark Twain

On Wednesday I am going to be posing in a matching underwear set in front of a camera. I've done this before but on a more private level. I'm excited....but if I'm honest, I don't quite believe I'm doing it.

Pure Scub

I finally went to the gym today. (I've joined Pure Gym in Warrington) I feel healthier already. I'm going to try to go tomorrow too. :-)

If you want me to stay with you

This is the title of a poem which drew me to a book. (I have now purchased this book for £2.81 which is the reason for writing this blog entry) Before going to Brussels, Alex and I had stayed in a cottage in Dode. The owners of the cottage had an interesting book collection which included 'The Virago Book of Love Poetry'. Normally with poetry collections, I have a flick through to see if there is anything I like and this was the first poem that caught my eye. (It's on page 5) I think this poem got my attention for a number of reasons (not necessarily in order of importance though):

1) The title (It's unique - interesting - makes you curious)
2) The length (6 lines long)
3) The author has the same first name as me (Natalie Barney)
4) The version given in the book is a translation
5) The content (it's so concise)

I have said to a few people of late that there are alot of poems that don't appeal to me and just because I like one poem of an author, doesn't mean I'll like them all. I guess that as a reader, you bring your own feelings to the reading of a poem and whether you connect with it is dependent perhaps not on the poem, but yourself.

The original French poem: http://www.asu.edu/pipercwcenter/how2journal/archive/print_archive/0189.htm
Si tu veux que je reste auprès de toi
Disperse moins ta voix,
Prends le diapason
De l'intime durée
Et qu'on donne avec le thé
Un plus grand pot d'eau chaude.

So with this in mind, if this is the case, will I ever write a poem anyone is going to like?????
By the way, it turns out there are now a couple of other poems I really like in the book too.

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day - William Shakespeare

Just this time last week I'd come home from Brussels and now a week has passed. Time really does fly. I had another good weekend and now I really have to knuckle down this week. I did some work today by getting book from the library and having a bit of a read on the train. Tomorrow is when the actual work starts.

Excited about Brussels

I'm excited about Brussels on Friday and I've been packing today with a determination to fit everything into a 41cm tall suitcase. So far, I think it may be possible. I'm looking forward to going to the cottage tomorrow too. I'll get the chance to wear my swimming costume, it is my favourite and the one that I think has fit me best over the years.

I just can't wait to go! My holiday mentality always starts when I start packing so I actually feel like I shouldn't be going to work tonight as that's now what you do on holiday. Roll on 9pm tonight. :-)

On a less happy note, I'm having an ugly thigh afternoon. I know this will pass soon though......hopefully.

Fat Day

That is what I am having. Forget podgy evening. I am having a full on fat day where I feel podgy-middled and yucky. :-(

Sometimes I think too much

I get myself in such a tizz and make me think things that only distract me (not in a good way). I need to stay focused on everything else, more importantly everything that makes me feel amazing.

A day of new things.

Today has been a day of new things.

Firstly I had my diabetic review. All tests came back ok except my three monthly blood sugar level which was an average of 9. Not ideal but today is/was a new day so time for me to start getting those numbers down again. I'm going to start anew.

Secondly, while I was there, I was given a new blood glucose testing meter (Am I crazy for thinking that was a little exciting?) I have been having trouble with the other and putting the brand new battery into another meter like mine proved that my meter has something wrong with it. Anyway, she gave me a completely different brand. It's an Accu-Chek Aviva Nano and I love it. Why? Simply because it requires 'half the steps to test, proven less painful and no lancet handling'. (That's what it says on the box and it turns out to be true!) I have not been the best person at using my meter and one of the reasons was because of the stupid lancets. They are fiddly and annoying. (Consequently, because of this, I never changed the lancets as often as I should have done.) This meter has the lancets built into little barrels and they retract into the barrel and so you don't handle the lancets (which you are supposed to change after every single use) so that makes the whole thing less fiddly - saving me time. And finally, yes it is actually less painful. (Also, the case is softer which is nice, the meter glows in the dark and the testing strips come in a very cute tub)

Thirdly, today I have joined a gym again and yes I know I have very little money but this gym is just £10 a month and there's no contract so you can leave when you want. It opens in March in Warrington so I am going to go back to the gym and get fit. I need the exercise and I always went when I was at the other one except around the time I started working at borders and go out of a pattern. I really enjoy the exercise and apparently there will be exercise classes which I enjoy.

Finally, I got some new hair straighteners today. Yes, I have already have some but they were tearing my hair out. They didn't glide through my hair and I had to keep running the straighters through the same bit of hair over and over. It was causing too much damage. I now have some better straighteners which go to a higher heat and so I only have to run them through a section of hair once! I can see the difference straight away!

So tomorrow, new meter (I have to order more strips and lancet barrels though), new straighteners, new attempt at keeping my blood sugar below 9 and something new to look forward to in March. :-)

A mini pourquoi story

Ok, so I have written over 50 blogs so far and my blog remained titled as 'Nat'. When I originally decided on the name it was only designed to be there for a little while. So I finally decided to change it. I hadn't wanted to change it until I knew I had found the right thing. Then yesterday it hit me. I started thinking of things like books I had when I was younger and I remembered one of my favourite books Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling. So with a little modification, I have it, my title.
I don't assume that my blogs are anywhere near the literary greatness of Rudyard Kipling's stories - that's not why I chose it. My blogs and his stories are two separate things entirely but I always loved the book. My favourite story in it was The Elephant's Child - the story of how the elephant's trunk became long.
So why have I titled this blog as a mini porquoi story? This is because Rudyard Kipling's Just So Stories were a collection of porquoi stories and this short paragraph tells the origin of how this blog finally got its title too.

Podgy Evening

Well, I am having a podgy evening which is a shorter, slightly less bloated version of a fat day. Now I'm not sure what has brought this on, the few biscuits I ate, maybe. But other than that I've been good. So it seems rather unfair to feel podgy when I haven't eaten too badly today. It feels more unfair as there was a day about 2 weeks ago I think when I ate three quarters of a (big) tub of Worthenshaws chocolate frozen dessert and felt less podgy. I need to do some exercise or something I guess......

Hopefully I'll be feeling less podgy tomorrow. A little bit of hip wiggling with the hula hoop may make it all go away.

disappointed.....

I can't believe that I actually thought I'd sleep tonight. Very foolish of me to assume that tonight would be any different to any other despite me buying something to help me sleep. It hasn't worked but as I said I was going to start looking at this awake time as maybe some kind of blessing in disguise....it's not so bad. I have had an idea now for a poem I'm entering in a competition at last. So glass half full I suppose!

Out with the old and in with the new

http://www.warringtonguardian.co.uk/yoursay/blogs/warrington_blog/8806520.Out_with_the_old_and_in_with_the_new/

My second blog for the Warrington Guardian.

Another blog.....

Ok, so I am also writing another blog and this other blog is being published by Warrington Guardian. I'm chuffed that I'm writing for something even though it's just a blog. :-) http://www.warringtonguardian.co.uk/yoursay/blogs/warrington_blog/8796899.I_want_to_finish_writing_my_book_this_year/

My test of a good novel is dreading to begin the last chapter. ~Thomas Helm

This is how I have felt with the books I have read recently. On Monday just gone, having finished Die For You by Lisa Unger, I bought her other two from Asda. I started reading Blackout and finished that within 24 hours and last night I finished Sliver Of Truth. All three were incredible, absolutely incredible. Amazing storylines and I just couldn't put them down. I now have quite a few other books to read but I figure I should get this assignment out of the way first that's due in Monday. I'm going to carry on with the assignment after I've written this. The other books I've now got to read (which I've bought for £1 from Asda) are: Velocity by Dean Koontz, Without Consent by Kathryn Fox, Man and Wife by Tony Parsons, A Necessary Evil and A Perfect Evil by Alex Kava, The Flood and A Good Hanging by Ian Rankin and Four Blind Mice, Cross and Double Cross by James Patterson.

Can you believe I'm actually excited about reading them? I can believe it because I know me but to the rest of the world that may sound strange. Even though I barely watch TV as it is, I've watched even less because I'd much rather read lately. I think I'm going to start the Dean Koontz one next. I've wanted to read that for years. On Monday I'll finally get to start it. :-)

Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. - E.L. Doctorow

This quotation was in a book I have just read. It was one of the oens for a£1. The book is called 'Die For You' and it's by Lisa Unger and it was incredible. An amazingly well crafted book; a page turner. I could barely put it down! There were a few things which 'spoke' to me in this book. This quotation was one of them. It was on the page titled Part 2. Maybe that's how I am going to write my book; I'll make the journey with just the headlights on. After reading this book though, I know the journey is going to be long. This takes me to the next point which stems from the same quotation and ties in with something else in the book.

I actually like driving at night; in fact I prefer it. I have always loved the night time. There has always seemed something special about night time, like it has some strange power and energy that I can't ever describe to someone else. Night has always been the time when I am most thoughtful, most creative, most worried, most calm. I look out at the stars (if I can see them) and I feel like I could get lost. I always used to stay up late when I was younger and I used to love being out at night. I still do. In the early hours of my birthday (just a few weeks ago), when the snow was everywhere and I was looking around and up at the sky I felt the same peace I always used to feel years ago.
Lately I haven't been sleeping. I haven't been able to switch off and I thought that maybe its constantly using the computer late. I think that is it to some extent. But maybe its also a part of me telling me that's when you work best. I noted this some time ago, for some reason I do work well when I work late at night. Words for essays and assignments have always flowed more easily. (Although I have to say sometimes I seem to work very well in the late afternoon - like 3pm-5pm) So back to the book: On page 197, Linda remembers something her father used to say to her as they both suffered from insomnia: "We're the moonwalkers [...] alone with the stars". It seemed so poetic and described how I used to feel when I was younger (I've not slept well for years) and could look up at the stars. So I've decided I am no longer going to view my lack of sleep as an annoyance. I'm going to look at it like I used to years and years ago: a blessing. I'm being given the time to get back to who I am. I'm getting the time to be feel everything I want to, to do everything I can, achieve whatever I can and share it with the stars. :-)

Now just two things - I wish I could write as much for my book as I write for this blog and now that I've said this, I have a feeling I may end up sleeping as soundly as never before.

5 more books

I went into Asda today after work and they had an offer on the books. Certain titles were only £1. So I bought 5 books. I wanted to buy more. I used this offer as an opportunity to get a couple of books by authors I haven't read. So I got a book by Alex Kava, Lisa Unger and Tony Parsons. The first two are crime type ones; the one by Tony Parsons isn't crime. The other two books are both by James Patterson who has to be one of my favourite authors. I got 'Double Cross' and 'Four Blind Mice'. I added them all to my book list (a list I keep of all the books I own) and had my usual daydream of one day being able to have all my books on shelves in alphabetical order un my own mini library with a chair instead of in boxes due to lack of space.
I'm just hoping I have time to read them now that I've got uni work to do again.

Why?

Sometimes things hurt me and I let them go and other times I'm stuck with them. Letting them hurt me over and over again. I feel rubbish.