33:40

That was my new personal best for a 5K run. I really was chuffed with it! I hope I can beat it next time (whenever that may be!)

5km in 43:59

That's 5km in 43 mins 59 secs, not 43 hours and 59 minutes. I was chuffed with this time. Hopefully, doing another run next weekend and I think I can beat that time! My previous time for a 5k was 37 mins, so ideally I want to beat that.

Take the time to come home to yourself every day. ~Robin Casarjean

Slowly, I am getting pieces of me back that I thought I never would. For the first time in a while I feel like I'm doing things that are for me and I'm not thinking about anyone else or worrying about anything else. The body combat class is a consequence of this. I enjoy it so much. I love the exercise and I look forward to it.

My book is also for me. I'm enjoying writing that; although truth be told, I haven't written any in a while. I'm still in chapter 2. I'm not worried though as I'll write when I feel inspired to.

I hope my motivation continues

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~Anaïs Nin

Recently, I've started writing a book. I won't say what about as that is top secret (mainly because I don't want criticism) For years, it has been a kind of secret desire. Just to write a book. If it were never published, that would be ok. I'm writing for me. When I was younger, I filled a note book with short children's stories. I can still remember the first title of the first story: The Golden Eagle. I had even drawn (badly) an eagle in pen at the bottom of the page at the end of the story. I can't remember what any of the other stories were called; I wish I'd kept the book.
Anyway, the book I'm writing now is not a collection of children's stories. It's fiction and yet some of it, I know isn't. I don't think I could write it otherwise. I can't help but write pieces of me into the book or not express some of the emotions I've felt. I'm finding the whole process liberating and creative. I already have an idea for a second book.

Exercise!

I managed to get to the gym today. Yay! It's a start and seeing as I only have until the end of this month to use it, I may as well try and go again. Let's see if it happens.

To avoid sickness eat less; to prolong life worry less. ~Chu Hui Weng

I'm working on the first and second parts of this! I'm trying to eat less. I need to go to the gym! I've got until the end of May to use it and I need to. It runs out then and I can't afford to renew it. I'm tired of feeling tired and I need to eat less and do more. I CAN'T afford to put on any weight. I can't cope alone with this heavy feeling I have! I need to do something about it! It's making me feel a bit uncomfortable.
Hopefully, I'll go tomorrow!

There are short-cuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them. ~Vicki Baum

Just recently, I was saying to Alex how I miss dancing. By this, I don't mean structured class dancing, but just go-out-to-a-club-dancing. I think I miss it so much now, because I don't do it very often. Years ago, going out every Tuesday I think I took it for granted that I always have that as a means of letting go and now, I think, I didn't enjoy it enough.

I love dancing, but I can't really dance. I just wiggle, waggle, move my arms in some kind of fashion but it makes me happy. Nowadays I go out to the pub and talk which I also love. I do love being out and talking to people, but sometimes I just feel like I need to dance. I'm listening to some music now that I like dancing to and I can only waggle my head to it due to the laptop being on my knee. The thing is, I like dancing in a group of people and that is where my problem is. I have so few available-to-dance friends (and by available I don't mean single but people who are in my area, willing to go out and dance)

I also want the excuse to get dressed up again. I was having a sort out on Friday and came across a few pictures of me which were taken before I went out on those Tuesdays all them years ago and it reminded me of how much I loved getting dressed up, curling my hair or straightening it, wearing my heels and going out.

What's frustrating, is there is no reason why all this should have stopped, although I wouldn't want to do it every week and it's not as though I need lots of money as I drink little (to get drunk) and once I find somewhere I like I'm not likely to move from club to club dancing. In short, it's now a lack of like-minded people.

My goal for the next few weeks is to go out somewhere, maybe get slightly tipsy, dress up in something I haven't worn, with my heels, go out and let go. I want to feel like I've got that part of me back.

Do not know yourself. I want to continue to surprise me. - Arielle Dombasle

I have surprised myself.

Everything you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it, because nobody else will.

The title of this blog refers to a line in a film I have just watched called Remember Me. It's an unforgettable film and it touched me in so many ways. I think that certain films have more of an effect on you at certain times on your life and I can say that this film had me gripped; I could identify with the rollercoaster; I'm not saying to the same scale but in my own way. Despite the title of this blog, the film is really saying nothing you do is insignificant, there's a message in the film of not just this and it's made me think.
I felt a bit sad and frustrated before I went to see the film; I'm not saying I feel less sad nor more sad, just thoughtful now.
Amazing film and it's only when you get to the end of it, that you realise the impact of the title and the actions/words of the characters.

The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking. ~Albert Einstein

It isn't often that I write 2 blog posts in one day, who know; this could be the first time I've done it, well actually it's after midnight now. I felt in the mood for talking (typing). I have alot on my mind. Can I tell you what it all is? No, Because there isn't the sense or the time.
I'm writing because I can't stop thinking about just lots of things. So many times, especially at night, I can't switch off. My mind won't be still and think of nothing. I'm rarely at peace. I was just browsing the internet, I was on one of my favourite websites www.quotegarden.com and found this quote, "Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinion at all" - G.C. Lichtenberg. I reckon this is true. The things I have no opinion on; don't care about; know I can do nothing about; they don't keep me up.
What keeps me up at night is worry or excitement. Sometimes I start thinking about how amazing something would be to do and I get so excited at the thought, I imagine full length scenarios in my head and it stops me sleeping. An example is when I was imagining a few weeks ago learning some new languages/ new skills. I enjoyed thinking about the endless possibilities so much, that I couldn't sleep. I must have spent an hour just day dreaming (even though this was night and I was trying to sleep)
Sometimes when I've had a card design in my head, I've felt to eager and excited about it all, that it stops me sleeping.
Then other times, my mind won't rest because I'm worried. I get worried and it makes me feel anxious, and a little bit ill and then I can't sleep. Money worries have made me worry. I worry about things I can't control or feel like I won't be able to control and I don't think it's doing me any good, but I can't help it. I just don't stop thinking. Alot of it is random as well. My thoughts are sequenced and sometimes I'm not thinking about anything exciting or worrying; just nonsense.
My 'cosy moments' tend to be those moments where I can shut off. My brain feels a bit lighter and quieter.

Well, this is just a lot of rambling nonsense I think, but I like nonsense. Nonsense makes me smile and calms me down. (although thinking of nonsensical things also keeps me up) I think Einstein is right, I just need to change what I think; nothing ought to do or cosyness.