Exercise!

I managed to get to the gym today. Yay! It's a start and seeing as I only have until the end of this month to use it, I may as well try and go again. Let's see if it happens.

To avoid sickness eat less; to prolong life worry less. ~Chu Hui Weng

I'm working on the first and second parts of this! I'm trying to eat less. I need to go to the gym! I've got until the end of May to use it and I need to. It runs out then and I can't afford to renew it. I'm tired of feeling tired and I need to eat less and do more. I CAN'T afford to put on any weight. I can't cope alone with this heavy feeling I have! I need to do something about it! It's making me feel a bit uncomfortable.
Hopefully, I'll go tomorrow!

There are short-cuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them. ~Vicki Baum

Just recently, I was saying to Alex how I miss dancing. By this, I don't mean structured class dancing, but just go-out-to-a-club-dancing. I think I miss it so much now, because I don't do it very often. Years ago, going out every Tuesday I think I took it for granted that I always have that as a means of letting go and now, I think, I didn't enjoy it enough.

I love dancing, but I can't really dance. I just wiggle, waggle, move my arms in some kind of fashion but it makes me happy. Nowadays I go out to the pub and talk which I also love. I do love being out and talking to people, but sometimes I just feel like I need to dance. I'm listening to some music now that I like dancing to and I can only waggle my head to it due to the laptop being on my knee. The thing is, I like dancing in a group of people and that is where my problem is. I have so few available-to-dance friends (and by available I don't mean single but people who are in my area, willing to go out and dance)

I also want the excuse to get dressed up again. I was having a sort out on Friday and came across a few pictures of me which were taken before I went out on those Tuesdays all them years ago and it reminded me of how much I loved getting dressed up, curling my hair or straightening it, wearing my heels and going out.

What's frustrating, is there is no reason why all this should have stopped, although I wouldn't want to do it every week and it's not as though I need lots of money as I drink little (to get drunk) and once I find somewhere I like I'm not likely to move from club to club dancing. In short, it's now a lack of like-minded people.

My goal for the next few weeks is to go out somewhere, maybe get slightly tipsy, dress up in something I haven't worn, with my heels, go out and let go. I want to feel like I've got that part of me back.

Do not know yourself. I want to continue to surprise me. - Arielle Dombasle

I have surprised myself.

Everything you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it, because nobody else will.

The title of this blog refers to a line in a film I have just watched called Remember Me. It's an unforgettable film and it touched me in so many ways. I think that certain films have more of an effect on you at certain times on your life and I can say that this film had me gripped; I could identify with the rollercoaster; I'm not saying to the same scale but in my own way. Despite the title of this blog, the film is really saying nothing you do is insignificant, there's a message in the film of not just this and it's made me think.
I felt a bit sad and frustrated before I went to see the film; I'm not saying I feel less sad nor more sad, just thoughtful now.
Amazing film and it's only when you get to the end of it, that you realise the impact of the title and the actions/words of the characters.

The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking. ~Albert Einstein

It isn't often that I write 2 blog posts in one day, who know; this could be the first time I've done it, well actually it's after midnight now. I felt in the mood for talking (typing). I have alot on my mind. Can I tell you what it all is? No, Because there isn't the sense or the time.
I'm writing because I can't stop thinking about just lots of things. So many times, especially at night, I can't switch off. My mind won't be still and think of nothing. I'm rarely at peace. I was just browsing the internet, I was on one of my favourite websites www.quotegarden.com and found this quote, "Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinion at all" - G.C. Lichtenberg. I reckon this is true. The things I have no opinion on; don't care about; know I can do nothing about; they don't keep me up.
What keeps me up at night is worry or excitement. Sometimes I start thinking about how amazing something would be to do and I get so excited at the thought, I imagine full length scenarios in my head and it stops me sleeping. An example is when I was imagining a few weeks ago learning some new languages/ new skills. I enjoyed thinking about the endless possibilities so much, that I couldn't sleep. I must have spent an hour just day dreaming (even though this was night and I was trying to sleep)
Sometimes when I've had a card design in my head, I've felt to eager and excited about it all, that it stops me sleeping.
Then other times, my mind won't rest because I'm worried. I get worried and it makes me feel anxious, and a little bit ill and then I can't sleep. Money worries have made me worry. I worry about things I can't control or feel like I won't be able to control and I don't think it's doing me any good, but I can't help it. I just don't stop thinking. Alot of it is random as well. My thoughts are sequenced and sometimes I'm not thinking about anything exciting or worrying; just nonsense.
My 'cosy moments' tend to be those moments where I can shut off. My brain feels a bit lighter and quieter.

Well, this is just a lot of rambling nonsense I think, but I like nonsense. Nonsense makes me smile and calms me down. (although thinking of nonsensical things also keeps me up) I think Einstein is right, I just need to change what I think; nothing ought to do or cosyness.

What words say does not last. The words last. Because words are always the same, and what they say is never the same. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943

This seems particularly poignant considering my translation course at the moment. I've been looking at 4 translations of the same play; original written in 1891, the first translation 1910, another in 1960, another 1970 and the other from 2007. I expected to find so many more startling differences, but as of yet have found few. It's such a time consuming task reading 4 translations and the original line after line trying to locate meaningful, comment-worthy differences. So, I've abandoned that for now, for some background meaning.

Additionally, I'm rather stressed with money and it is causing me to panic and feel somewhat breathless and anxious if I think about it; it's making me feel ill. So I'm trying to not think about it. On a minor plus, no money means I'm eating less!

All I've had today is one and half bowls of cornflakes and pasta in a mug. Tea will be noodles.

I love bread :-(

Hovis granary got to me. I bought some and I've had three slices in an hour. But it's a small loaf and I am determined to still find other things to eat besides bread at tea time. I also want to try and eat less pasta, although I do love the wholemeal pasta.
I went to the gym today. That's three times now since last Wednesday, so that's good. I went on a different machine which made my routine feel a bit revitalised. I need to work out more, especially as I'm now 9st 1lb which is something I'm not happy with.

Also, I was working today! And I'm working tomorrow and Friday which makes me feel happier. However I have loads of work to do and I am having trouble finding suitable advertisements for my commercial translation course. I've been reading the theory, I just have nothing to apply it to!

Good bread is the most fundamentally satisfying of all foods

This certainly seems to be the case with me. In an effort to prove I can live without it for a little while, I have been avoiding bread. I haven't bought any and so I'm not eating any. I had a sandwich on Saturday which was bought for me; it was one bread roll. This is a record for me. I haven't eaten any bread besides that since Wednesday I think. Wednesday was possibly the last time I had some besides the roll on Saturday (which I probably wouldn't have chosen, had it not been bought for me) It's refreshing to not base all my meals around bread - which is what I usually do because I love it much. Breakfast has been simpler; branflakes and banana - no toast! And dinner has meant, no bread as a side dish.
Today, I'm going to keep going with this. No bread. I want to see how long I last.

(The title is a quote by James Beard)

Finally

I finally went to the gym today. I figured that seeing as employment is hit and miss I should at least try to be consistent with something. So hopefully I'm going to get myself to the gym on Friday too.