Bruises, bumps and lumps

I have another bruise on my leg from my insulin injections. It's all yellow and ugly. It's on the same leg as what I deem to be my worst leg that has a horrible lump under the skin. I hate it. The left hand side of my stomach has a permanent lump. I hate it. It's times like these when I feel fed up of being diabetic. I get drained with it sometimes, day in, day out and trying to find somewhere I can inject that won't bruise, won't hurt, won't mean getting a new lumpy bit. What on earth am I going to look like in 20 years? Three times as bruised and lumpy. In May next year it will be 10 years and I already have lumps patterned with red marks. Another 20 years and...., well I don't want to think about it.

Money is tight as well. It says alot when you have to sell CDs to be able to afford to post a book you've sold to earn some money.

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. ~David Russell

Conflict. That's what I seem to have inside at the moment. I've been left wondering about a few different things in my life. I'm left wondering this: How much is going to have to be left behind to be me? and how much of me do I need to keep hold of to still be me? Maybe this decision would be easier if it were just about one aspect of my life but it is everything. Jobs, location, people, principles, attitudes, ideas.

Or do I need to think about any of this at all? Maybe, I don't need to do anything or change anything. Maybe, there's nothing wrong.

Decisions, decisions......

Feels Like Today

The title refers to a song by Rascal Flatts. I was recently reminded of the song again when I watched the episode 'run' from season 4 of Smallville. I first heard it on that episode and it went with the scene so well (Clark and Bart superspeeding at the end), it kind of makes me feel empowered and positive (as well as making me wish I could superspeed). It makes me feel like I can do anything.

Speaking of doing anything, I have also been doing a few things which I previously didn't have chance to do like scanning old photos, sorting out stuff and making various appointments for this, that and the other. I have also started compiling a playlist in my itunes of all the songs from Smallville which I like. It is taking some time. I should have made a list as I watched them but nevermind. I'm enjoying finding new songs and new artists. A few I knew already. I spent round about £10 on itunes getting songs from the show and even though I'm not flush with money at all, I thought I deserved to do/ buy something that makes me happy. Instead of thinking 'someday', and wondering when that day will be, I thought, 'it feels like today'.