Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. -Edna St. Vincent Millay
Never has a quotation summed everything up so well like that. This is how I feel. I don't need to write here what has caused me to feel like here, almost everyone will know.
Today has been particularly difficult for me - why today I don't know. How I've managed to get through the past few days has surprised me as I feel like a wreck inside. Maybe it's today I'm feeling it really badly all over again is because it's a week today. Maybe my body has been tired of holding off my upset. I am up and down all the time. When I get on with things I seem to be ok and then it just keeps creeping up on me the sadness. I keep pushing it away because it hurts too much and then when I'm alone in the house, like I am now, I let it out. Today as I was going into uni on the train I could feel the tears at the back of my eyes and it took all my strength to stay composed. Then I have these moments where I tell myself "You can get through anything, you know you can, you have to get through it" and I cope. But when I really think about it, like now, when I really think about everything that has now gone, may never come back and I can't do a thing about it and never could, I wonder how that pain will ever go away.
I've been trying to keep myself busy, I keep telling myself to not cry over what I can't control. I need to look after me, because I'm hurting and I need to try to fix that but it's so hard. I don't want to feel this way forever. I know I have take time for me, I know to get myself back to normal. I know it's only been a week, maybe with time I will be alright.
How am I going to cope with out the person who I love, care for and see as my best friend? how do I fo that? So much of me is now somewhere else......Everything I treasured is disappearing or has gone completely. I wish I could stop crying today.
