2009 - a year of doing

Today while on my way to my street dancing class I started thinking about 2009 and about the things I've done so far this year and I am amazed! When I really started thinking about it, I have done so many positive things for me this year and I just want it to continue. I'm going to talk about it all here.

Let's start where my brain started.

Dancing
Today I went to a street dancing class and I was doing the dance moves of Michael Jackson's 'Beat it' (I wasn't doing the moves very well -but I was giving it all I had) Yesterday I went to a Belly Dancing class, which was always something I fancied having a go at and just never had the guts (and maybe time) to try. As I finished the class I had a great sense of achievement. I felt amazing, even though I know I probably looked rubbish doing the moves. The reason I felt like this is because I finally got the guts to give something a try which I had wanted to do for years and for years I'd told myself I hadn't enough time and it wasn't something I should do (I don't know why I had the silly idea there were some things that just weren't meant for me to do - not that anyone was stopping me, but it seemed lower down on my mental to-do list) I've always loved dancing (not that I claim to be able to do this) when I've gone out and it is one of the few times I can feel like I can completely be myself, be a little crazy and forget everything else going on in my brain.

Gym
After thinking about dancing my brain strolled onto the gym. I only joined that earlier this year, in April I think and that has been amazing for me. When I was working in the job I disliked it became a place to vent some of my frustration and I love the feeling healthier thing as well. For years I told myself to exercise, for years I told myself I didn't have time. Finally, I told myself to stop making excuses and that if it's something you want to do, you should make time. Having no time is an excuse I've used for far too long. I feel like I'm in control of my own life and in charge of who I am again. Certain things in life at the start of 2009 and indeed prior to that made me feel like I'd lost all sense of control over my life. In going to the gym, I feel like I've had some more energy and it has helped me get back my positive energy and attitude. In summary: I'm getting the positive me back, the me who knew I could do anything. (although it never all went away)

Job/Career
2009 has proven to be the year of change and a career change and education change has been crucial. My despair in my job affected my attitude. I constantly felt like a failure going into work. I felt like I was no good to anyone. I felt like I couldn't do my job properly. I got stuck in a very bad rut. I put so much pressure on myself to do anything as well as I could that I burnt out and then had no energy to do the job to the standard I wanted it to be. I'm also not afraid to say that my idealistic view of the job was shattered because I realised I wanted more out of life and more out of my time. I realised that the energy I had the beginning could never fully return because I had in someway changed. I knew I had changed. What I wanted out of life had changed. So when I made the decision to leave a reasonably well paid job (compared to my current non-existent salary) I did make a massive step towards happiness again and I daresay that the dancing bit may not have happened at all, had I not identified the root cause of everything.

University
I have gone back to university to re-train (that word might be appropriate here) and do something with one of my passions which is language. I'm doing an MA at the University of Manchester. It's exactly what I want to do. It uses my languages and it's a discussion about language in itself; the thing that fascinates me. The theory of translation, dealing with the why and how of it all is so interesting. I keep having these doubts though, wondering if I'm good enough to do all this...and then I tell myself, I'm capable of whatever I want to be capable of. I've never let self doubt stop me academically of with anything to do with languages so I don't want to start that now. (I've got to remind myself to read this when I think I can't do my course again)

Languages
So, as my train of thought followed on to languages, I remembered I did a week long Italian course in August. That was something I'd be toying with for at least a year. I'd continually go onto the website and dream of doing one. It seemed so adventurous and I'd never get around to settling on a date and always doubted whether the money would be worth it. I mentioned the course to Alex and he was the one who said if I really wanted to do one, I should go for it. I did go for it and I loved it. I wouldn't hesitate to do one again, but the money is an issue now.... That was an experience- an experience of 2009. My year of doing.
I always wanted to start another language and now I have!

Holiday
Naturally thinking about my time away I started thinking about the holiday I booked. This was something I was really proud of myself for. I booked, what I thought was an amazing holiday which included Paris, Bern, sleeper train and Rome. I was really chuffed that not only had I done it all as a surprise (not to myself though) but also that I was going to go to places I hadn't been to and be able to use my languages. (Of course there was the fact as well that the trip was with the person I love the most in the entire world) I loved the holiday so much and there are so many places I'd love to see and places that I'd love to see again!

Now I know that it is only September. I know there are 3 months left of 2009, but why wait until the end of the year to talk about the successes of the year. I've called this my year of doing. That's exactly what it is. I've done so much without realising all of it. I wanted this written down while the thoughts were in my head, while my heart lies fully behind them and my positivity is captures, so I can remind myself whenever I think my glass is half empty. To sound corny, but it fits the moment - my glass is full of what I've put into it and that's what I'm happy about!

Before and after

Well, I've finally got around to writing in this blog, and truth be told, I'd only recently remembered I hadn't written anything in a while. Last time I wrote, I was still in a job I had no enthusiasm for and I was looking forward to going on my italian course and I was looking forward to going on a holiday. I've now done both.

Trieste was such an experience and I loved doing the Italian course, so much so, I'd do one again if money wasn't an issue right now. I definitely want to learn more Italian at some point. I also went on holiday with Alex and that was amazing! I loved it all. Ceauce-Paris-Bern-Rome-Naples-Pompeii-Venice-Trieste-Milan. Of course there was the sleeper train as well. I slept so well on that train. I'd love to go back to Venice. Milan I'd be quite happy to never see again.

I had such an unforgettable August 2009. Now I start a whole new thing. A Masters course at The University of Manchester in Translation and Interpreting Studies. I've just got a couple of the books and I'm enjoying the feeling of looking forward to something. I'd been feeling anxious for so long going to work that it seemed like a permanent state of mind. The other day, I felt strange, like there was something major I was supposed to be worried about and then I realised there wasn't and that because I'd got used to worrying, I was still trapped in that mindset. I worry about money now but it isn't making me extremely anxious or really upset. So, I'm ok.

Everything seems to have changed so much and there are new challenges ahead but I feel more positive about it all.