An orange pumpkin and a green belt.

So on Saturday I passed my kickboxing grading. I went from an orange to a green belt. (The last grading I did was in November) I was so chuffed. It seems hard to believe that I've not been kickboxing for around about a year and I hope to be doing it for a few years more.

Also I had a nice surprise when I received the latest issue of Cross Stitch Card Shop. A letter and photo of something I cross stitched (a design from issue 88) was published on their letters page. I was so pleased. It really is amazing seeing it in print. The card had a pumpkin on it saying "Pumpkin I love you". It fit just perfecly what I wanted to say.

I definitely need to step up my cross stitch efforts if I'm going to make all the things I want in time for Christmas.

Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once. ~Lillian Dickson

There are a million and one things I could write about. I meant to write sooner but life has its way of keeping me busy. I wrote so little in 2012 but I know that some of those things hold true even now.

Anyway, I've been keeping busy and I like it that way. But with Christmas out of the way and it's already March, I'm wondering if I'll ever have the time to finish all the Christmas projects I want to finish. I wonder whether I'll ever get to read all the books I want to or learn all the things I want to learn, see all the things I want to see and do all the things I want to do.

Part of me also wonders how long will it be before indifference sets in; my endurance waivers and my patience disppears, not just in those things but in life. I know I can never be indifferent, I'll always endure what I can and I'll always manage to find patience. Why? Because I can. It's my life. As long as I'm in control, living life on my terms, I'll always carry on.

I have a lifetime to do all the things I want and I'll do as many as I can, taking each day at a time.

From white to yellow

Yesterday, I had my kickboxing grading. I passed so I am no longer a white belt. White is what everyone gets when they start. I'm now a yellow belt. It feels good to have achieved something while staying fit. I've said this to a few people that the main appeal is that not only am I staing active but I'm learning something too. I originally wasn't too bothered about the belts, grading etc but now that I have one I'm hoping I can manage the next one before too long. I've been going twice a week and I'm going to continue with that so hopefully it won't be too far away.

E Mi Manchi Tu

I'm listening to a CD by Andrea Bocelli and that is one of the songs. The CD belonged to my nan. I can't help but cry as I'm listening to it. Although, I don't understand the words, but it feels like everything that could ever be felt or said is somewhere in there and pouring out of my heart now. Nan should still be here and wasn't meant to go yet. I'm too upset to write anymore except this: Nan, mi manchi tanto.

Effort

Long time, no write I know. I wish I weren't remembering to write feeling so frustrated. Today, I've felt like there are some things I can't win and that it's a losing battle. I think along with a couple of other things I just felt upset, well a little bit teary. I'm not feeling as bad now, I try to remain positive. I keep telling myself that if I put the effort in, it has to pay off. I can't handle the alternative which would mean it's not in my control. I've just got to keep going.

A peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one. ~Rita Mae Brown

I don't want to make the wrong decision.It needs to be the right one but I'm not sure what that is. The fact that I am 'umming and ahhing' probably means something. I suppose I could leave it in the hands of fate. I'm just not sure I trust fate's hands though at the moment. Or maybe, more truthfully said, I don't trust myself.

No person who can read is ever successful at cleaning out an attic. - Ann Landers

One present which I received for my birthday has become very useful. I got a book journal and it is proving more useful than I could have imagined. Not only is it forcing (in a good way) to get through the books I want to read, it is also making it easier to let them go.

I wrote for my blog in the Warrington Guardian:
"I never throw out books as not only do I treasure every word in them, but tied up in those books, two stories exist; theirs and mine... Whether it is memoirs or a piece of fiction, there is something to be gained from every book and also something to be left in its pages". (21/01/11)

The journal is helping with that. I know that with my reviews I'll always remember when and how I feeling when I read the books. So I've decided to limit the books I save. I managed to clear out quite a few books before New Year, which unfortunately I never managed to review because I read them before I got the journal but I'm okay with it. Plus, I've cleared some space. I guess I have to accept you can't hold onto everything forever and maybe sometimes, it's better that way.

Dreams say what they mean, but they don't say it in daytime language - Gail Godwin

My dreams weren't even in the English language last night. I had one long dream where I was trying to explain what had happened to me and an English friend to a German detective. I'd like to say it's the first time I've had to speak to the 'Dream German Authorities' but a few years ago I dreamt I witnessed a crime and was giving my statement to a German detective.

2012

I had a great New Year's Eve. I went to Paul's house. We played board games, did Zumba, Rockband and Just dance on the Wii. I drank more than I've had in a while but not loads! Finally went to bed at 6am and got up just before 11am. It felt like how it was when I was 18.

I don't do resolutions as I think you shouldn't have to wait until the new year to do something you've want to do or make a decision. However, I am looking forward to continuing living my life the way that I want to.

Birthday snow again

I stayed up to see my birthday in and then went to sleep. I woke up and looked out of the window and it is white again. Not quite like last year. I remember my birthday last year quite clearly and it is hard to believe that another year has passed so quickly. It also feels like groundhog day in some small respect.

However, the lead up to this day has been a bit different! I managed to go to a Christmas market in Hamburg a few days ago and my graduation was on Friday just gone! My masters is over with! :-)

I'm left wondering now what will be the best way to spend the rest of my birthday.....